Old Habits
by Sebastina Michaelis
Summary: Ciel is retreating to a dark place and Alois tries to help in a not so helpful way. Dark fluff?


Old Habits

It was so easy to fall back on old habits with him around. The darkness that had always threatened to swallow me felt closer now. Like it knew exactly when it should strike. I had gotten rid of one demon only to have it replaced with another, aloof and unreadable one. At least _he_ didn't bother trying to hide his malicious intentions. My new and unfamiliar surroundings did nothing to bring me comfort. Sometimes I would gaze at the light blue walls and silently wish I had been killed that night all those years ago. _Years? Has it really been that long? It feels like just yesterday... _I shuddered at the thought and tried to force myself to stop. Thinking about it wasn't going to change anything.

"Ciel?" I pretended I hadn't heard Alois calling my name as the door behind me softly clicked shut. Funny how a flimsy piece of wood could bring comfort or terror. Behind it lay nothing more than a labyrinth of shadows and things I didn't want to face alone. In here was the safest place I could be, and that wasn't saying much since everybody came and went as they pleased. _I hate this place, it's like a maze._

Small arms wrapped around me and Alois affectionately nuzzled my cheek. Strands of his soft, blond hair tickled my nose and I tried to gauge what sort of mood he was presently in. Normally he would say something about not being able to find Claude so he didn't seem too clingy. Not that I ever believed it. Claude wouldn't leave me unsupervised. If he wasn't around one of his underlings were bound to be keeping a close eye on me.

Most of the time I would let Alois get away with doing whatever he wanted, but if we were both in a particularly bad mood we'd wind up yelling at each other. He'd get mad and leave as punishment then come back later seeking acceptance and affection. It was an endless cycle. Since he came back he appeared to be in even less control of his stronger emotions and impulses than he had been before. Alois would cycle through happy, being horribly depressed, then go to being angry, only to return to being his normal (at least what I wanted to be his normal) bubbly self, in under a minute. That scared me more of than any of his violent outbursts ever could. Tantrums I could deal with. Unstable people were another thing all together. His many different faces showed themselves while I was sitting here struggling to figure out who I was. Am I really just a scared child, or is this detached person I've grown accustom to having to be.

"Claude left us again, its just us and Hannah." I gave a small nod as his grip on me tightened. If I let him he could stay like this for hours. Not that I would. Having him so close either put me on edge or relaxed me, and I couldn't figure out how I felt yet. "It's okay."

"What are you talking about?" I pretended not to feel his teeth graze my ear before he giggled, slowly becoming unhinged. "To give in silly. Sometimes it's better than fighting. Submission is the ultimate advantage."

I pushed him away when he bit my neck and caught his reflection pouting. Out of everything I would put up with, I didn't want him leaving marks on me. "Sometimes I don't get you Ciel." He thoughtfully wrapped strands of my hair around his fingers. Sadness had started to creep into his voice when he spoke again. "It's not fair. We're the same now so why..."

I batted his hand away when he tugged a little to hard, and turned to face him. Tears rolled down the sides of his face and his hands balled themselves into fists. _Here we go again._ "Why does everybody hate me but love you! Your the only one who's loves me Ciel and you hate me the most!"

He threw his arms around me once more and I had to take a step back, unless I wanted to risk losing my balance. I rolled my eyes and rubbed his back while I tried to unpin myself from the wall without him noticing. This conversation had just began and I was already exhausted with his childish tendencies. "I don't hate you."

"You don't have to, it's obvious. You won't even smile for me. Admit it you don't want me here."

Glancing at the dark blue carpet, I ignored his question completely and changed the subject. He wouldn't realize it until later. "I forgot how."

"What?"

The tears stopped flowing and he waltzed right into my little trap. "I'm not repeating myself."

Alois smirked and clasped my face in-between his hands. "Stupid, you can't forget something you weren't taught. You're saving it for someone special, and I'm going to have to make sure that person in me." Something menacing flashed in his icy blue eyes and he looped his arms around my waist once more. For a moment I feared he'd try kissing me again.

Ducking under his arms, I backed just out of reach and folded my arms over my chest in defiance. _I can't deal with this right now._ Alois pouted again and settled himself into a chair nearby. He reached for me, in an attempt to pull me into his lap, but I stayed where I was. "Ciel, why are you so mean to me."

"I'm not, I just don't want to be touched."

He huffed in annoyance, "that's what you always say." He propped his head up on his head as his eyes roamed over me before he crossed his legs. My resolve slowly started to weaken as he continued to stare at me. Malice didn't draw me quite as much as his silence did. Alois and silence never mixed well. It wasn't like I wanted to want him to hold me...he was always throwing himself at me in the most inconvenient of times. Now that it was my choice I wasn't so sure how I felt. Alois giggled as I hesitantly climbed into his lap and quickly pulled me against his chest. "I knew you couldn't resist me." He gently kissed my cheek then buried his face in my hair, "I love you Ciel."

I didn't say anything and intertwined out fingers. I didn't know if I would be telling the truth or not if I told him what I wanted to hear, it was better to not encourage him.

After a few moments, Alois pinched my arm and pulled his hand away, "Your supposed to say it back."

Sighing, I prepared for the fit he would throw and bluntly stated, "That would be a lie."

His eyes narrowed and he dumped me onto the floor as he stood suddenly. "I told you you hate me, your a liar!"

I slowly rose off the floor and glared at him. _He has the emotional capacity of a child._ I don't know how long it would take for him to understand things were as simple as love or hate. Anything in the middle didn't matter to him. I reached for his hand again in attempts to calm him. "I think very fondly of you. Maybe if you were nice to me I could grow to love you."

He placed my hand on his cheek and smiled down at me. "Your so mean, just say it already." He brushed his lips against mine before switching gears and dragging me towards the door. "Let's go for a walk, you always coop yourself up inside. It's no fun without you around."

"W-what? Alois no!"

The shadowy hallways were a harsh contrast to my sunny room, and I found myself involuntarily clinging to Alois. He seemed pleased with himself, but I wanted nothing more than to go back to where it was safe. _I don't want to be here._ "I can't, please."

The familiar hallways I occasionally traversed fell away and I soon found myself in parts of the house I didn't dare go in. "Some fresh air will do you good, you look awfully pale, even for you."

He dragged me forward with promises he had no intentions of keeping, but for the time being I let myself believe them. Anything for some temporary sense of security in this horrible place.

Alois shoved open the door to the large gardens and tried running off without me, but I grabbed onto his arm, trying to get him to stay close. It took longer than I would have liked for my eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness. I would have liked to say what he had said earlier was wrong, but when a few large birds passed over head I buried my face in his shoulder and silently wished it had been raining. "Let's just go back..."

"Silly, we just got out here." He sat me on the edge of a fountain and grabbed my hands in his own. "This isn't so bad."

I didn't respond and stared the the ground. Alois followed my line of sight and caught a decent sized spider slowly crawling across the ground and frowned, before absent mindedly kicking a rock over it. A devilish smirk crossed his features before he moved his hands to either side of my face again. "You are _mine_ Ciel. If anybody wants you they have to go through me."

I placed my hands on his wrists and peered up at him, wanting to find some conviction in his words. _Even if he is telling the truth he'll just wind up getting himself killed... and it would be my fault Why would he want to do that?_ "P- promise?"

"Don't be an idiot." He pulled my into a kiss and bit my bottom lip possessively, but not hard enough for it to hurt. "I love you Ciel."

I nodded and buried my face in his chest, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close. He gently ran his fingers through my hair as I let the beating of his heart calm me. Eventually I thought mine was beating in time with his. I still couldn't manage to tell him I loved him, but I supposed what I said was just as good. "Please don't leave me."


End file.
